Zel's Bad Day
by Dynast Grauscherra
Summary: Zelgadis has a really bad experience during a lunch break. Originally a post from a Slayers RPG.


Zelgadis Greywords entered the small mountain villiage and sighed. He had just scaled an impossibly steep cliffside, fought off seventy-eight rabid berserkers, crossed an insanely deep churning river, and fell down one very high ravine. He was tired, hungry, thirsty, and most importantly, extremely ticked off.  
  
Zel wandered the empty cobblestone streets of the villiage in search of food and lodgings when a nearby sign caught his eye. It was the typical wooden sign hanging above a typical wooden door; engraved upon its face was a picture of a smiling roasted pig and the words "LUCKY PORKY'S PUB AND FAMILY RESTAURANT."  
  
The hungry chimera heard his stomach rumble and figured that this was as good a place as any to eat. Putting up his hood and mask, he went inside.  
  
The interior of the Lucky Porky's was that of a typical tavern room. There was a bar, complete with stools, as well as wooden tables with matching wooden chairs. Zelgadis sat in one and waited to be served.  
  
"Hello!" said an overly cheerful waitress. "Welcome to Porky's! My name Wanda, and I shall be your lovely waitress! What can I get you, sweety?"  
  
"Coffee," muttered Zel. "And some food, preferably meat. I really don't care what."  
  
The waitress stared at Zelgadis, seemingly fascinated by his appearance.  
  
Zel sighed and shouted, "WELL?"  
  
The woman jumped and then started to giggle. "Sorry, sir, but I've never seen a beastman like you before! Would you mind taking off that hood so I can have a look at you? I can hardly see anything!"  
  
The chimera gritted his teeth. "That's the IDEA! Now look, I came here to eat, not to be ogled at by a brainless ditz. So either bring me my order, or tell me where I can go in this stupid town to find some decent service!!!"  
  
The waitress stood silent for a moment, a look of absolute shock on her face. Her lower lip trembled for a bit, and she said, "R-right away sir!" before running off towards the kitchen in tears.  
  
Zelgadis sighed, and mentally kicked himself. He knew he shouldn't have acted like such a creep, but he was tired and hungry, and he HATED it when people stared at him like some kind of freak. He debated whether or not to go after the girl and apologize, but decided not to bother. He'd probably only make things worse.  
  
"I'll just give her an extremely generous tip," he said to himself. With decision made, he patiently awaited his meal.  
  
"Hey, freak!" shouted a voice behind him.  
  
Zelgadis felt his temper flaring again as he looked back. Standing behind his table were four men, not much younger than himself, who looked extremely angry. Although they were young, each was extremely well-built and wore swords at their sides.  
  
Zelgadis, though, was hardly impressed.  
  
"What do you want?" he said in an annoyed voice.  
  
"What's your problem, creep?" said the lead youth. "That was my sister Wanda that you just insulted!"  
  
'Oh boy...' he thought as he rubbed his aching temples.  
  
"Wanda is the sweetest, kindest, and prettiest girl in this town!" shouted another youth. "How dare you treat her like that?!!"  
  
"We in this villiage may tolerate your filthy kind," said Wanda's brother, "but when you beastmen act like the animals that you are and treat one of our women like dirt, well then we have no choice but to teach you a lesson!"  
  
With that, the young men grabbed Zelgadis out of his chair and dragged him towards the door. He sighed and let them do so, after all he didn't want to destroy the establishment while fighting these hooligans.  
  
The men dumped Zel outside onto the street and crowded around him.  
  
"Well, Mr. Manbeast? What do you have to say for yourself?" asked Wanda's brother.  
  
"Just this..." Zelgadis began to chant. "DILL BRAND!!!"  
  
The ground around him erupted upwards, shooting him as well as the youths around him, into the air. The boys screamed and were knocked unconcious as their fall slammed their heads into the cobblestones, but Zelgadis managed to land on his feet with relative ease.  
  
He patted his hands together and smiled. "That was waaay too easy..."  
  
"FIREBALL!!!"  
  
Suddenly an explosion erupted from behind him, knocking him down onto his face. "W-what???" he asked, looking up.  
  
Standing in the doorway was the teary-eyed Wanda, who now wore an expression of an extremely pissed-off woman.  
  
"You jerk!" she shouted. "Not only do you insult me, but you beat up my little brother, too?"  
  
"Um... I..." Zelgadis mumbled, knowing that whatever he said would probably make no difference whatsovever.  
  
"DIE CREEP!!" shouted the enraged waitress. "GAAV FLARE!!!"  
  
Flames engulfed Zelgadis, and when they died down, he was charred brown. "Ow..."  
  
"Digger Volt!!!"  
  
"Y-Y-Y-Y-YIKES!!!"  
  
"Burst Rondo!!!"  
  
"Stop that!!!"  
  
"Valis Rod!!!"  
  
"Why me..."  
  
Eventually, Wanda had gone through her entire offensive spell list. She looked smug as she looked down at Zelgadis's mangled body.  
  
"So, hun... you learn your lesson?" she asked.  
  
"Y-y-yes..." he said weakly.  
  
"Good. Now get out of my town! DIEM WING!!!"  
  
Zelgadis screamed as the wind spell shot him into the air and off into the distant horizon.  
  
There was a chorus of cheers from the townspeople, and Wanda bowed to them with a blush in her cheeks.  
  
*********  
  
Zelgadis moaned and climbed out of the crater he made. He limped away, not knowing where he waso where he was headed, and sighed in annoyance.  
  
"Why does this crap always happen to me?" he said. "Oh well, I guess I did deserved it..."  
  
Suddenly, a bird squacked overhead and deposited a little "present" on the chimera's head.  
  
Zelgadis shook in fury before screaming, "NO I DIDN'T!!! NO ONE DESERVES THIS!!!"  
  
THE END  



End file.
